Can we talk about forgiveness?

Divorce or separation makes forgiveness tricky, am I right? Letting go of anger and resentment toward your ex, is no easy task. Forgiveness needs deep thought and a desire to grow as a person.

Research shows forgiveness has big upsides for mental and physical health. It makes you feel better and more satisfied with life. Additionally forgiveness will absolutely improve how you co-parent. When parents can talk and work together well, it creates a more stable environment for children helping them adjust to family changes. (I know, I say it over and over!)

Forgiveness is personal and complex, different for each person. At first, you might focus on immediate concerns like where to live and how to co-parent. These practical matters often come first as you figure out your new life. Over time, you can explore the deeper reasons behind the divorce leading to a better understanding of what happened. This can hurt but it's essential to heal .

The goal is to free yourself from old burdens and embrace a positive future. This takes patience, as healing happens and can't be rushed. Remember, forgiveness is about how you feel inside, not about saying sorry to your ex. It's about finding peace with yourself.

Recognize your role in the marriage's challenges, whether it was not loving yourself enough focusing too much on work, or outside influences that affected your relationship. Seeing these factors is key to moving forward and learning from the experience.

To grow as a person, do activities that make you feel strong, like painting, hiking, or cooking. When negative thoughts come up, notice them, but shift your focus to positive things. Dwelling on old grievances can slow your healing, so concentrate on what brings you joy and create a fulfilling life that shows your new beginning. 

If you want to make peace with your enemy, you have to work with your enemy. Then he becomes your partner.’ – Nelson Mandela