How often do you hear the phrase, "Divorce is so hard on kids." And while the separation itself is certainly challenging, I’ve come to understand that the real struggle isn't your family structure, it's your family dynamic, meaning, it's the conflict between parents. It’s this discord that tends to leave the deepest emotional scars.

 Imagine being a child, sitting at the dinner table, when suddenly an argument erupts between your parents. The tension in the room is so intense that you can almost feel it, and your heart races with anxiety. This kind of scenario is far too common for many children.

For kids living in an environment where conflict is frequent, the emotional toll is tough. They often walk on eggshells, never knowing when the next argument will break out. They often feel a deep sense of responsibility, believing they are somehow responsible for their parents' unhappiness, yet unable to do anything about it. The anxiety of walking on eggshells, the feelings of responsibility, the worry about outcomes, the feeling of being in the middle.... it's an awful place to be for a kid, and it impacts every aspect of their life. 

 When home life is fraught with tension, how can a child focus at school? The stress and worry about family issues really gets in the way!  Their minds are often preoccupied with problems at home, leaving little room for focusing on math problems or history lessons. This often leads to slipping grades and, in some cases, even absenteeism as children try to avoid the questions and judgment of peers and teachers.

The impact of parental conflict doesn’t stay within the home—it extends into children’s social lives and relationships. Witnessing broken trust between their parents can make it hard for kids to trust others. It may also make them reluctant to bring friends home for fear of what their friends might overhear. The trust issues and fear of embarrassment can cause social insecurity and withdrawal. On top of this,  Learning to resolve conflicts can also be challenging, as they may not have seen healthy resolution strategies modeled at home. We all know conflict is an inevitable part of childhood friendships!

Sometimes, the stress and confusion from parental conflict manifest in a child’s behavior. I always say our kids talk to us through their behavior!  Children may act out in ways that seem rebellious or risky, as a way of expressing their internal struggles. Others might show aggression, mimicking the hostile behavior they observe at home. Younger children, in particular, might revert to earlier behaviors, such as bed-wetting or thumb-sucking, as they try to cope with their emotions.

The emotional impact of parental conflict doesn’t just fade away when a child reaches adulthood. Many people who grew up in high-conflict homes carry fears and challenges into their adult relationships. They might struggle with forming healthy romantic connections or find themselves dealing with anxiety and depression. Some may even turn to substances as a way of numbing the pain from their past.

If you’re navigating parenting after a separation or divorce, it’s important to know that there’s hope. You have the power to minimize the negative impact on your kids, which will of course minimize the impact on you! Coparent coaching can be a powerful tool in mitigating the negative effects of conflict on children. It gives you the opportunity to build your coparenting toolbox, the communication skills, the conflict resolution strategies, the mindset shifts you need, even the tools to give your kids the emotional support they need! Most importantly, you will learn to make child centric decisions so that your kids can thrive! Isn't that what we all want? 

In essence, co-parent coaching isn’t just about sorting out the logistics—it's about making sure kids feel secure and supported. By tackling how parental conflicts affect them and offering practical ways to manage those issues, co-parent coaching helps reduce the stress on children and guides them through their family changes with more ease and confidence.