Big Bedtime Feelings

It’s not uncommon for kids to seem perfectly fine all day and then be overwhelmed with sadness at bedtime. If your child suddenly misses a parent at night or becomes distressed, know that it’s completely normal.

During the day, kids are often busy and distracted, which can make them appear unaffected by big changes. But as the day winds down and they slow down, feelings can surge. Nighttime is also closely tied to family routines and comfort. If Mom usually tucks Livy in, her absence can feel especially hard. If Jacob is used to seeing Dad after work, his absence might feel unsettling. These moments of quiet and reflection make feelings of loss hit home for many children.

While it’s tempting to distract your child or brush off their sadness, doing so can send an unintended message: that it’s not okay to talk about their feelings. Instead, validate their emotions and encourage them to share. You could say:

• “You really miss Dad. I’m sorry this change has been so hard for you.” (Acknowledges their feelings)
• “Seems like bedtime makes you think about Mom. Can you tell me what’s on your mind?” (Invites them to open up)
• “When parents are divorced, it’s really common to miss the parent who isn’t here. Have you felt that way before?” (Normalizes their experience)

Address the Feelings Before Bedtime

If you know bedtime is a challenging time, try addressing the issue earlier in the evening. Start by acknowledging their feelings: “It seems like you miss Dad at bedtime.” Then, give them space to share and name their emotions.

Once you’ve talked about the issue, work together to brainstorm solutions. If your child feels they’re not spending enough time with the other parent, you could discuss modifying the schedule with your co-parent or setting up a daily call. If changes aren’t possible, create a special bedtime ritual, like saying a prayer for the other parent or hugging a stuffed animal they’ve chosen.

Consider Other Contributing Factors

Sometimes, multiple things may be intensifying your child’s feelings. Ask yourself:

• Does their sadness happen every night or only after several days without seeing the other parent?
• Could something in your evening routine be triggering their distress?
• How is the frequency or timing of contact with the other parent affecting them?
• Is there tension between households or a longing for how things used to be?

Create a Predictable Routine

Consistency is a cornerstone of security for kids. Maintain a predictable daily routine to help them feel grounded. When changes are unavoidable, give them as much advance notice as possible.

Evening routines can be especially helpful. Whether it’s sharing about your day during dinner, reading a book together, or playing a short game before bed, creating a sense of stability will help your child feel more secure during this challenging time.

By addressing their feelings with care and creating supportive routines, you can help your child navigate the emotional challenges of missing a parent at bedtime.